Love game(Caedyn)

[Marshal Raidon Adams]

Marshal was beginning to worry too much, he worried about almost everything. The thing he worried about the most though was his relationship with Caedyn. He didn’t feel like he was good enough for him. Marshal didn’t honestly know what he was doing, this was his first relationship with another guy, with his best friend. He didn’t want to hurt Caedyn, but he didn’t know what to do. He made himself think that Caedyn was just like a girl, that there was no reason for him to be different when it came to swooning him or anything, but that didn’t work for every matter. There were many subtle differences that were becoming a little hard to ignore. They were obviously both guys, but it seemed Caedyn was way more experienced than Marshal. He didn’t think that he had a boyfriend before, but it was obvious he knew what he was doing. Or at least, more than Marshal did.

Though the differences didn’t seem to matter when they were together, Marshals love for him seemed to cloud over it. He was willing to try things, even if some of them scared him. Tonight especially, since Caedyn was so unhappy, and all Marshal wanted to do was make him happy. He knew he needed to step out of his shell, he just didn’t know how yet. He had the kissing down, because here he was with Caedyn tonight. He had most of the intentions of doing what Caedyn wanted, and that’s why he was with him now. Things were getting heated between the two, quite indeed. Kissing was okay with Marshal, but making out with Caedyn was even better. He loved this part, this he was okay with. This didn’t scare him at all, it was just other things that did.

Even though things were getting sort of heated between the two, and Marshal was close to breaking his comfort zone, he stopped. He couldn’t go on, not yet. He pulled away from the kiss he and Caedyn were sharing, backing off slightly. ” I uh, my phone’s going off, it m-might be my little sister. “ Marshal stuttered, and was a bit out of breath. The lie was a little stretched, knowing his little sister should be in bed at such a late time anyways. He scooted toward the bed side table where his phone should be, looking to see if he had any messages. There wasn’t any obviously, but he acted like there was.He took a deep sigh and set the phone back down. ” I’m sorry Caedyn. I just.. I don’t know If I’m ready yet. “ Marshal wasn’t purposely trying to cold shower his boyfriend, but he didn’t know if he could do it.

[Caedyn James Maslow]

Caedyn honestly had no idea why he was so unhappy, but he just was and he always had been pretty unhappy and that was really nothing that new to people. The boy actually suffered from depression for a while, it only worsened over the ways due to the fact he once throw the medication he took for it out the window during a fight with his father years ago before he died. Looking back he always wished that he and his father didn’t fight as much as they did, he really felt stupid for not appreciating him like he should have and since he was not gone he just felt like he would never have the chance to. His dad really did mean a lot to him though, even if he never did admit it allowed and did have fights with him where he would always just say that he hated him. He did just love him dad and knowing that his birthday would be soon got him down, which was why he was just acting so strangely.

Another problem with Caedyn was his mind was always racing and when he was having these thoughts that were often times about Marshal, and they weren’t decent thoughts either. He did try pushing them out of his head but it was hard for him too, so he just tended to suffer through them which only made things worse. In fact it only made him go deeper into his little hole of hell he found his self stuck in, he really did find it a little depressing when Marshal was afraid to try things with him. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand or anything, it was just that he really did wish that he would, because Caedyn would never hurt him and he really did love him more than anything so he had no idea why Marshal was just so afraid. He couldn’t seem to understand, and that was just what brought them here right now.

Marshal came over to be with Caedyn, and Caedyn was just being a little depressed and of course Marshal didn’t like that. No one liked when their boyfriend was unhappy, so they began kissing and things were getting pretty heated. At least they were in till Marshal stopped and told Caedyn his phone was going off, Caedyn knew it was a lie so his face fell. Marshal just lied to him was his first thought, even before he told him that he wasn’t sure if he could do this. He just nodded slightly when he said that, “I um I understand” he said quietly almost defeated. He almost felt like Marshal was afraid of him, didn’t he know that Caedyn would never dare hurt him though. He wasn’t even sure if he did anymore and for that he just looked down, why did he feel so hopeless?

[Marshal Raidon Adams]

Marshal never wanted to see his boyfriend depressed, never ever again. He had solely put the job of making Caedyn happy again in his own hands, no one had talked him into it. Marshal had been working on making him happy even when they had just been friends, but now he felt like it was even more of his responsibility. Even worse, Marshal didn’t know where to begin. He had hidden most of the alcohol and drugs, but that was all he had done to fix that problem. He was pretty sure that his boyfriend had bottles hidden about all over the place anyways, so he didn’t eradicate them all. As far as the problems with his parents went, Marshal didn’t have the first clue on how to solve that. He couldn’t just hide Caedyns mother it was his mom after all! There was no going cold turkey on your own mother, no matter how much of a bitch she was to you. Marshal would find something though, anything. Anything that made his love happy made him happy.

Marshal didn’t believe for a second everything could be solved by him going all the way with Caedyn, but it might worse as a rubber band and hold for a little while. Once again though, he had failed Caedyn. He meant to, he really had, it just scared him to much sometimes. He tried not to think about it, but it was pretty much inevitable. He would have to do it at one point, he knew he would be ready at one point. Marshal also hadn’t intended on telling a lie, but he knew that needed to get out. Breaking the embrace was really hard, and he wasn’t going to try to drop it by straight up saying he was a wimp. That would just be even worse. He didn’t really know what to do, he really was in love, but he was just as confused at times. He knew what he should do; he just didn’t know how to do it. Thinking about doing something and actually doing it were two totally opposite things. Never had that statement been ever more true for him either.

Marshal had moved so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed, and he lunged down to pick his shirt up from the floor. In hurried movements it had been thrown to the floor, but now he felt embarrassed without it. He tugged it over his head and pulled it down, try to calm his rapid heartbeats. Seeing Caedyns face fall was one of the worst things ever. Hearing his boyfriends defeated tone was even worse, it made his own heart shatter. He turned back around and swallowed the horrible lump that stuck in his throat. ”I’m so sorry Caedyn, really.” Marshal knew that he was such an idiot, that he was hurting Caedyn. ”I’m such a wimp, don’t be upset.” He gave him a slight smile, his voice still husky. Marshal wasn’t scared of Caedyn, he was just scared of hurting him, what might happen. He knew that Caedyn would never hurt him though. ”Look darling; I’m not scared of you. I love and trust you, a lot. So please, don’t take this the wrong way. You know what I’m actually afraid of, don’t you? “ He was trying really hard to reason with him as much as possible.

[Caedyn James Maslow]

The problem with that was Caedyn did suffer from depression and his depressive moods were sometimes really hard for him to control and one never really knew when he was unhappy or even depressed, in a way he was depressed a lot. He couldn’t seem to help it when he was just in one of those moods, those moods made him feel hopeless and defeated though and that was all that mattered. Sometimes his moods were worse than other times though and it seemed that the only thing that could make him happy again was Marshal and it just seemed that Marshal did so much for him that he didn’t even know. Marshal was the one that just the one who kept him alive all the time and he just owed so much to him and he also just really loved him so much and he was truly ready to wait for whenever Marshal was ready to do more things with him. Sure it did depress him a little bit to know that his boyfriend was afraid and stuff though, he wasn’t sure what to do about it because how could he truly reassure his boyfriend that everything would be okay. That just seemed so impossible, and Caedyn couldn’t seem able to even do it.

When Marshal pulled away from him he couldn’t help but feel a little defeated. Of course he understood him doing it but still, he couldn’t help but be a little upset about it. Caedyn loved Marshal, and he was pretty certain he made that much clear but still it seemed like Marshal had a hard time believing it in his eyes. That was enough to make Caedyn feel even worse about his self, it was the depression thing the boy had going on. It was weird how it seemed to work, but since he wasn’t taking the medication that he should be for it there was no way that he could even handle the depressive moods that he always seemed to do through and that was what made Caedyn seem to unhappy all the time. He wasn’t able to control his depression and because of that these moods that he had just seemed to remain, it was almost like he was trapped in his own personal hell and he had no way of even escaping it anymore and for that Marshal really almost felt sorta defeated even still. He was just going deeper and deeper into his depression a little by little, and he just could never change that.

Caedyn watched Marshal move to the edge of his bed before he went and grabbed his shirt pulling it on, he felt so ashamed and so defeated watching him do such a task. His face had fallen into an almost broken state and he just looked like he’d done something terribly wrong, he messed up and he didn’t even know what he did. “No really it’s okay Marshal” Caedyn said quietly looking down biting his lip slightly to try and hide his slightly unhappy tone. He wasn’t even sure what he did wrong, and if he did something wrong. He wasn’t trying to mess anything up, really he wasn’t but he just felt like he did and looking at Marshal he sighed and just nodded his head slightly. “I understand really Marshal, I just I know you aren’t scared of me” Caedyn said quietly his tone just one of a broken boy.