Love For The Loveless; {Mordecai/Medicine!}

[Salem Alaric Burroughs]

YOUR P A I N AIN'T L O V E

[/font]
Can't you see he's the heartless?[/center][/color]

The grey morning sky was streaked in gold and pinks when Salem woke up. It was the morning of Killing Loneliness, his band's, performance at Bumbershoot and nerves were forbidding him from sleeping. It wasn't as though he had slept well the night before, either. He spent most of the night chain smoking and pacing the floors, anxiety rattling his bones as he did so. His slightly curly, dark hair hung in a tangled, snarled mess around his pale face. And his green eyes held worry and nervousness in their depths as he made his way to the kitchen.

The house was quiet, far too quiet really. He sighed softly as he peeked into his best friend's bedroom and saw the blonde curled up asleep, a light snore the only noise in the room. He smiled to himself and continued down the hallway and turned into the small kitchen. He prepared the coffee pot and rooted through the cabinets for something to eat. He noted he needed to go to the store soon or he and Mattias would be eating cheese in a can and crackers for all their meals. As the scent of brewing coffee danced it's way through the house he stepped outside and got the newspaper.

After getting a cup of coffee and retreating to the living room Salem settled himself into an oversized chair and lit up a cigarette. He took a deep inhalation of the smoke into his lungs and opened his mouth just enough for the smoke to curl and twist it's way from between his full lips. Flipping the paper open to the Arts section he was shocked to see a press photo of Killing Loneliness in the headliners section. He knew he was going to be performing but the Main Stage? He grabbed for the house phone and dialed his agent's cellphone number.

"Hey, Salem! I guess you saw the big news, huh? Uhm, SURPRISE!" His agent's tone was a mixture of nervous and excitement.

"Chance, what the hell man?! How did you get us a headlining act?" Salem's tone was a near panic level.

"Pulled some strings. One of the headlining acts had a singer OD and they won't be able to make it. Don't worry, boy's okay. But you need to be ready tonight, okay? I have to go get the stage prep done." His agent said pleasantly and hung up before Salem could protest. He gave a groan and snubbed out his cigarette before bolting down the hallway and opening Mattias' door, the newspaper still in hand. He crawled into his best friend's bed, as he'd done since they were kids, and poked the skinny man in his shoulder. Mattias opened up one eye and stared at Salem who eagerly pushed the paper in his face. Mattias, silent as ever, grabbed the paper and looked it over. He turned to Salem with widened eyes and gave him a hug. Salem beamed back and patted Mattias' dreadlocked head.

"Looks like we're gonna be famous, veljeni!" Salem said as he broke the hug and smirked.

Mattias, who had suffered from Selective Mutism as a child, nodded his agreement. Salem stretched out and yawned, suddenly exhausted from the energy he'd expended. Mattias pulled back the blanket and Salem snuggled under it, closing his eyes and syncing his breathing in with his best friend's until he drifted off to sleep. It had been this way since they were kids in Finland. When Mattias became a member of their family due to home problems. Salem would wake up having a panic attack and Mattias would pull up the blanket and stroke his hair until he fell asleep, just as he felt the boy doing now.

Salem was woken up several hours later by Mattias' bedroom door hitting the wall. His eyes snapped open and he looked around in bleary confusion until he spotted Bam standing in the doorway. The brunette's arms were crossed over his chest, fists clenched, and he was seething angry. It clicked in Salem's mind how it must look. He snuggled against Mattias' chest asleep. He got up out of the bed and walked towards Bam, cautiously, and smiled.

"Hello, rakkaani! I- I know what it must look like to you bu--" His words were cut off by Bam's shouting.

"I knew it! I fucking knew it! How long have you two been fucking around behind my back, huh?" Bam's face was turning red the angrier he got and Salem noticed the tell-tale signs of him recently abusing cocaine. Salem tried to back away as Mattias got up out of the bed, glaring at Bam. Bam turned and stalked across the room, preparing to fight Mattias but Salem flung himself in between them. Sobs were already starting as he weakly tried to deflect Bam's anger. He turned to Mattias and gave him a look that told him to run. Mattias grabbed his jeans and bolted out the door, lingering in the hallway.

"M-My l-lo-love. I w-w-asn't sleep-sleeping with h-him! I c-cr-crashed! I d-didn't sl-sleep well la-last n-n-night. Pl-please! Please c-calm down, Bam." Salem stuttered out at his boyfriend.

Bam grabbed his arms and his fingers dug into Salem's soft, pale skin. Salem squealed at the pain as Bam grabbed him by his shirt and shoved him into the wall. Pain seared across Salem's shoulder blades as Bam continued to bash him into the wall. Finally Salem cried out, yelling for Bam to stop. And Bam punched him in the face. Salem sobbed and slid to the ground as Bam swore and stomped out of the room. Mattias screamed and swore at Bam in Finnish and Salem heard the door slam. The next thing he knew Mattias was there, tsking at his bruises.

"I wish you'd leave him. One of these days he'll kill you, hunaja." Mattias said before leaving Salem to cry. Salem sat there for several minutes before he was able to compose himself. Instead of turning his anxiety to picking at his arms he found a piece of scrap paper and a pencil and began writing. A song flowed out of him and onto the paper. He left a sticky note with the chords on it for Mattias and left the house early to go over for hair, makeup, and wardrobe.

When he got to the dressing room his anxiety was in an uproar. He picked a spot in the back and looked at himself properly in the mirror. An ugly bluish-black bruise was showing up on his cheek, there were thumb prints on his collar bone, and finger-marks on his arms. He turned his eyes down sadly and waited for his makeup woman to show up. She didn't question him as she carefully applied makeup over the bruises, hiding them completely as well as doing a smokey eye and pink lip. Hair did him up in softer but still messy curls. And wardrobe had laid out black, leather pants, a leather jacket, converse, a pair of BDSM cuffs, leather, fingerless, half-gloves, and a dog-collar for him to wear. After practicing with the guys for a couple of hours they got down his new song.

Almost as soon as he stepped onto the stage his anxiety dissapeared. The band was introduced and went into their first song. The decided to do three before premiering The Heartless, the song Salem had written. As they finished the second song Salem took the mic and nodded to the guys. The intro to his new song began to play and he introduced the song.

"This is a song I wrote just this morning. It's called The Heartless. I hope you enjoy it.

You're pain ain't love.

Can't you see he's the heartless
Your pain is not love
He's taking it way too far
Don't you know it is wrong
You're the one for me baby
You are the one
If you'd only see in my heart
You'd know all is not lost

Your time is running out
And you still haven't made up your mind
Can't you see he's the heartless
And you're one of a kind

He's the heartless...

You can't see he's the heartless
Your pain won't ever be love
It doesn't matter how hard you try
To you all is lost

He's the heartless..." As he sang he moved around and true passion and pain were in his voice and his eyes. He sang the song and they announced they were taking a short break. Salem sighed softly and got a few 'good jobs' from people as he exited the stage. He even caught a few girls crying. He wandered his way through the crowd, obviously not used to the noise, when he bumped into someone.

[/size]

WORDCOUNT; 1492
NOTES; Finnish Words; veljeni - My brother
rakkaani - My love
hunaja - honey
TAGGED; Mordecain/Medicine
OUTFIT; Here!
LYRICS; Heartless by HIM
TEMPLATE BY; Me/Renskii

[Mordecai James Evans]

I always flip right back

[/color][/b][/i][/font]
[/CENTER]

Into a shape that I just can't make

[/color][/b][/i][/font]
for the stranger I know so well[/color][/b][/i][/font]
[/center]

Mordecai sometimes wished he didn’t have to wake up in the morning. When he got over it, he wished he could just stay in his room all day. It was the only place in his house not dirty and full of beer bottles, and it was the only room his father didn’t bother him in. Though if he really wanted to take a swing at his son, doors weren’t going to stop him. For the most part, Mordecai put up with drunken abuse. it wasn’t always that physical, it was usually just verbal. Spite all the pain his father put him through Mordecai still worked as a clean up every morning. He made sure there was a clean path to the kitchen, bathroom, and television. The he usually put on a pot of coffee and made some sort of breakfast for his father, it was usually just cereal. They were impoverished thanks to the deadly drinking habit his father loved so much.


As the blandly colored school unfolded before him, Mordecai’s heart seemed to tighten in anxiety even more. He went from a broken home straight to a school were he was bullied all day. It was a never ending cycle that Cai had yet to break himself of, though he tried his hardest. In total spite of everyone he was going to finish school and go to the best school that he could. His father told him that he was practically nothing, but Mordecai believed there was something out there for him. Yeah, he was eighteen and had only been in one relationship, yeah he was eighteen and still never kissed someone, and yes he still didn’t have a clue on what he wanted to do, but spite this he knew he was going to be something.

The only reason he was at school today was because he need to get his deadline done for the newspaper. As soon as he got there though, the principal sent him back out. He wanted him to go take photos of any of the students working at the Bumbershoot music festival. He stuck a camera in his hand and told him to go take a few shots, Mordecai’s face paled. He didn’t want to go out there, the idea of crowds made him break out in a cold sweat. He was just not a crowd type of person, crowds scared him. Maybe today was the day he should fight it though and face his fears, he didn’t want to tell the principal of all people no. It was a heart wrenching idea but he was going to do it.


Once again he set out in his old broken down car. The thing was older than he was, but it was the only thing he had been able to afford for himself while. His father sure as hell wasn’t going to buy him once, so Mordecai had just bought his own instead. He had no problem with it, most days. The worn out leather of the seats and the smooth steering wheel were sometimes comforting to him. The only days he really had problems with it were the days it decided not to start, or it decided to let out all of the gas in the tank on one short drive. The radio only worked on the opera station and the CD player only scratched them up, but he didn’t really need the music anyways. He had grown to love the sound of silence, since in his house it had been so rare. His father wasn’t quiet when he was drunk, nor when he decided to pay for a few hours of fun later at night.


Mordecai got a call from his father, asking him to come home. The icy way his father spoke made Cai’s skin crawl, but he wasn’t going to say no to him either. So he turned around even though he was almost there to seen what his father wanted. He panicked for a while, his stomach knotting and his skin crawling. When he was at their apartment, he almost didn’t go in. His hands were shaky as he put the key in the lock, it took a few tries. When the door opened he was greeted by a dish sailing and hitting the wall next to him. He tensed up and moved away from the door, praying nothing else was to come. Another dish hit the door, and it sounded like a bunch were being thrown on the ground right after another. To Mordecai they all seemed like gunshots. Well someone was pissed…. He peered into the tiny kitchen where he saw his father, already drunk and obviously livid.



The next four hours he hid out in his room. Mordecai didn’t want to go near his father, and he needed to get the glass out of his hands. He had tried helping his father and telling him to calm down, but that had only succeeded in getting a dish straight to the hand. It had shattered and luckily only a few shards got stuck in his palm. Compared to other things, this was nothing. He used a pair of tweezers to pull it out, then a but of rubbing alcohol; the sting didn’t bother him. After a few minutes he put everything he had used back in his medical kit. After a few years of this he had gotten smart and started collecting medical necessities , make up even. He stuck his ear to his bedroom door, there was still curing and clanging coming from outside. ”Mordecai, I know you’re in there. Come out.” His fathers was right on the other side of the door, not where Cai thought he was. He jumped back and moved away from the door. Maybe the Bumbershoot thing wasn’t that bad after all. Mordecai opened up his window and climbed out on the emergency exit scaffolding


It wasn’t long after his escape that Mordecai arrived. He had been trying not to cry while driving, a car wreck wouldn’t suit the works. When he arrived he grabbed his camera and spent a good ten minutes steadying himself with slow breaths and better thoughts. He was trying not to let the crippling depression catch up to him anymore. He hadn’t been told by a doctor he was depressed, but one good look in the mirror was all he needed to know. When he thought he was ready he moved around the festival, looking for the familiar faces of his peers. There didn’t seem to be many people, though he did find one kid making out with another, thinking they were “hidden”. Though a picture wasn’t really who it. He had snapped a few pictures here and there, good enough for an article.


Mordecai was lured in by the various performing artist that were playing. He was really struck down by a band called.. What was it they called it? Killing Loneliness was the name, yes. He was absolutely stunned by the lyrics, the pure passion behind it. As soon as it ended though, Mordecai turned back around and away from the crowd. He realized that he was deep in the middle of it, not where he wanted to be. He fought his way out and moved right to the edge, getting away as fast as possible. His heart was constricting in his chest and he was feeling dizzy. He was trying to regain some composure when someone ran into him. “S-sorry! I’m sorry!” Moredcai stuttered and faltered over his own words. He clutched the camera in his hands tightly. Wasn’t this person who was just on the stage? Mordecai looked to the ground.

[/size][/center]

[Salem Alaric Burroughs]

I guess you're seeking SALVATION

[/font]
Nothing left but DAMNATION for you
If you choose the wrong DIRECTION[/font][/center][/color]

Salem was lost in his own little universe as he walked. It was far too crowded in the music festival for the shy, socially awkward Fin. He did his best to avoid meeting anyone's eyes. The buzz of the stage was already beginning to fade. Carefully as possible he picked his way through the moving mass, trying desperately to get to his tour bus. The silence and solace there a welcome escape from all this madness. But as careful as he was he couldn't avoid bumping into someone. When he was jarred back slightly his acidic green eyes widened as panic threatened to take him over. He quickly tried to blurt out an apology and spotted a petite, messy-haired boy holding a camera. At the same time the apology left his own lips the boy apologized. Oh my he was quite cute. Salem blushed softly as he tried to figure out how to talk properly again. Curse his social anxiety! It always caused him to forget how to speak. He could almost hear Mattias' mocking laugh.

"Oh, no, you're fine! I- I sh-should have been w-w-watching out. I--oh, geez. I'm us-useless at t-talking to people." Salem stuttered out, tripping over his own tongue.

He smiled down at the boy before shyly staring at his own feet. Gee, wasn't he just the master of sauve? He tried to figure out what was going on but the noise and push of the crowd was making it impossible to think of anything except running away. He glanced up and saw that same look of anxiety mirrored on the boy's face. So, he didn't like the crowds anyway. He touched the boy's arm and pointed off towards the tour buses. Perhaps he and the boy would do better speaking if they weren't in the throws of a near-mosh pit. He gave the boy a shy but reassuring smile before he turned to lead him off.

"L-let's get out of this crazy cr-crowd. C-come with me to-to my t-to-tour bus, o-okay?" He said just loud enough for the boy to hear over the crowd.

He turned to make sure the boy was following him and quickly, without thinking, laced his fingers through the younger boy's. He tried to press closer to the photographer and keep him nearby. The last thing he needed was for them to get seperated. In this mess he might never find the poor boy again. He carefully picked his way through the crowd until he came to the tour bus. It was a monster of a thing, black and shiny. And despite Salem living in Seattle they wanted the bus since they'd be leaving for tour the same evening Bumbershoot ended. He opened the bus, nodding to the driver who was reading a foreign music magazine. Salem quickly ordered him to let them have some privacy in Finnish and the driver nodded before exiting. He sighed softly and sat down on the day couch, gesturing to the one opposite him for the boy to sit on.

"S-sorry about the m-mess. T-tour bus an-and all. W-would you l-like something to d-drink,..uhm.. Oh my, I didn't as-ask your name. S-sorry about that. I-I'm Sa-Salem Burr-Burroughs." Salem said as he jumped up and headed over to the bar, pouring himself a coke from the mini-fridge.

Salem couldn't help but glance back. With the boy's handsome features and messy hair, along with his slight build, Salem found him extremely attractive. Which only served to make him more nervous. Besides, what if he wasn't this boy's type? Or you know, he wasn't bisexual. He might have just made a grave mistake. He sighed nervously to himself and gave the boy another smile. He really, really hoped the boy wasn't going to be mad at him from basically kidnapping him. And he couldn't help but blush as another thought, one less savory, raced through his mind as he tried not to look at the boy's lips.

[/size]

WORDCOUNT; Lots? xD
NOTES; AWKWARD TURTLES ARE BACK BAYBAY. xD
TAGGED; Mordecai/Medicine
OUTFIT; Here!
LYRICS; Never Say Die - 69 Eyes
TEMPLATE BY; Me/Renskii

[Mordecai James Evans]

I always flip right back

[/color][/b][/i][/font]
[/CENTER]

Into a shape that I just can't make

[/color][/b][/i][/font]
for the stranger I know so well[/color][/b][/i][/font]
[/center]

There were so many things going on at once, Mordecai didn’t exactly know what to do. He ran his fingers through his hair and bit his lip, feeling really nervous and shy. He only nodded his head in reply to what the guy was saying knowing that if he talked he wouldn’t be able to get anything out. It was nice to know he wasn’t the only one stuttering though. Mordecai hadn’t obviously picked this job, he didn’t pick any jobs that required the possibility of talking to people he didn’t know or didn’t usually speak to. Everything he did he did in advance to make sure he wouldn’t have to worry about being lumped with other people.

Mordecai looked to the ground for some reliance; he couldn’t accidently make eye contact with someone if he was looking at the ground. His head was reeling and there was blood pounding in his ears, loud enough to block out some noise. He was such a fool, running into people and then being too stupid to even know what to say. Mordecai was even more shocked when he was touched by the other guy, because it wasn’t a slap or a hit. Those were what he was use to in the end. He looked up in a questioning kind of surprise, and followed his gaze to the tour buses. All the way over there? Would they be alone? Why the bus? Mordecai realized that if the guy wanted to talk, the middle of a yelling crowd wasn’t the best idea anyways.

Even though he had heard time and time before not to talk to strangers or follow them to places, Mordecai felt like this was different. The person seemed too nice to actually want to hurt him or anything, but maybe it was all an act? Mordecai honestly didn’t question it until he grabbed his hands, and then he just blushed. Well if this wasn’t weird... He followed diligently, not wanting to get lost in the heavy crowd of people. He was knocked by another body here and there, but he got through the crowd way easier than he had actually expected and without any accidents. Oh and he was still holding the guys hand, Mordecai knew his palms had to be sweaty and he hoped the guy couldn’t tell. His hand seemed to tingle in and odd fashion or in a different fashion leastways. Kind of like his arm had felt when he touched it.

Out of all the things to notice, the mess was not the first thing to go through his mind. Mordecai was obviously use to mess, with his father being a drunkard and all. The first thing he had actually noticed was the bus driver reading something in a different language, though he didn’t know what. Mordecai wasn’t smart, but he didn’t know what the magazine said. He was surprised when the bus driver got off, because he knew then they were totally alone. Mordecai blushed before sitting down on the couh on the opposing side of the guy. ”Oh, I-I’m use .... uh... to Me-mess” Mordecai couldn’t help but to blush at his own stutters and halts in his sentence.

Mordecai blamed his shyness on lack of confidence and insecurity, and that was the closet answer he could find. He had been stuttering since his father took up drinking, and braces had worsened it through most of his life. ”N-no thanks.” He said, Mordecai was to shocked and nervous to drink anything. ”M-mordecai. B-but m-m-most people c-call me C-cai” The words weren’t coming out right at all, not the in slightest. He felt like Alice trying to recite in wonderland, it was all wrong from beginning to end and there was nothing he could do about it. He sat with his hands folded in his lap and his legs crossed at the ankles, still blushing. Why did he feel so awkward around another guy like this?

[/size]

[Salem Alaric Burroughs]

I guess you're seeking SALVATION

[/font]
Nothing left but DAMNATION for you
If you choose the wrong DIRECTION[/font][/center][/color]

When Salem heard his own accent he inwardly cringed. Silent he wished he'd bothered to learn English better, and was suddenly aware of how openly foreign he must've sounded. He nearly apologized for his accent, but the feeling of the boy beside him was blocking out any normal thoughts. It was as though he'd momentarily forgotten what thinking was. And given the circumstances and how cute the boy was, it was a miracle he was able to function at all. He braved a shy smile at him before he turned back to trying to straighten things up. Even though the boy said the mess wasn't a problem, Salem couldn't help but try to move things around.

People often described Salem as an open book. Because despite his shyness his eyes gave away all his emotions. Big as they were and an usual, acidic green people noticed them immediately. And when they did they usually figured Salem out pretty quick. Even if his face was impassive and his body language relaxed one could tell his moods. He bit his lip nervously and glanced up at the boy again with a smile. After he nodded at the boy turning down a drink he grabbed himself a Finnish soda and sat down across from the boy. Mordecai was it? That was a unique name, even for an American boy.

"That's a- uh- ah, a unique name, Cai. So what brings you to the festival?" Salem asked softly before taking a sip of his soda, his green eyes dancing.

Salem's hands were shaking like crazy when he went to take a sip of the soda. The stress of performing a headlining show plus dealing with an exceptionally adorable boy (also the idea of what would happen if Bam found out) made him nervous. His hand shook so badly that the slickness of the condensation of the can caused it to slip from his grasp. The can hit the table beside him and bounced off, spraying soda all over him. He jumped up, wanting to die of embarrassment and grabbed a towel to mop up the mess. Thankfully, he didn't think any of it had hit Cai. He slipped off his jacket without thinking and mopped the stuff from his pale chest. Finally he wiped at his hands and wrists, not realizing he'd wiped away all of the makeup they'd put on him to cover the bruises Bam left.

"Oh shit. I'm so sorry, Cai. I'm just so-- ugh. I'm such a dumbass!" Salem said as his face was a mask of panic.

[/size]

WORDCOUNT; Lots? xD
NOTES; AWKWARD TURTLES ARE BACK BAYBAY. xD
TAGGED; Mordecai/Medicine
OUTFIT; Here!
LYRICS; Never Say Die - 69 Eyes
TEMPLATE BY; Me/Renskii